you don't deserve my tears !

I don't know what do you think or feel about me actually. yes. I'm your best friend. and I think that you're my best friend too. but somehow , I can feel the sparks when we sit together side by side. when you hold my hand by the pool side. when you kissed me on my birthday. when you hugged me when I feel cold or when I'm sad. you hug me tightly and I don't feel like letting you go. 

I still remember how we get to know each other. you added me on Facebook. when I saw your request to be my friend , I didn't think twice. I approved you straight away. from that time , I can feel something already. then we started chatting almost everyday , every hour. I started to like you because of your jokes and how you put an effort to know me better. then you gave me your phone number and asked mine. I gave it to you with no worries because I know that you're a nice guy. you called me after I gave my phone number and said 'I just wanna hear your voice.' I'm so happy when you called. you care about me. I know. I can feel it. we met for the first time at college. I saw you first then I texted you. and you replied 'come out jap. I wanna see you.' so , yea. we met. for the FIRST TIME ! you're a shy guy. you didn't talk a lot. from that day , we started to meet up. the first time you hugged me was at college too. I was not feeling well at that time. and you asked me if I can give you a hug. I hugged you. but just for seconds though. then only we started to hug almost everytime we see each other. Gosh ! I miss those old good times. you said you loved me. at that time , I was startled and I feel like I was dreaming. I still remember my last year Raya , you called me for one and a half hour and we talked craps. you wasted your credits just to talk to me. when we finished talking , we continued chatting. then I pulak called you. and we talked again. I miss that moment too !

you hold my hand by the pool side. it was just two of us. you hold my hand all of a sudden. and I was surprised when you did that to me. but I just keep silent. I don't want to ruin it. you make fun of me. you tease me. and then you laughed. you said 'you're cute'.

you kissed me on my birthday. you don't want to wish me on Facebook. you said that you wanna see me in person and wish me. we met up. I gave you a slice of cake that my friends bought for me. then you said 'I don't have a birthday present. but I have a birthday kiss. can I give that to you ?' and I said yes. you kissed me in front of my whole classmates. everyone were cheering at us ! I can't forget that. it still plays on my mind. I still can feel your lips on my cheek. I still can feel the warm of your hug. I still can feel your fingers lingering with mine. but now , everything's changed. I think that we were not meant to be together. you have your own choice maybe. and I just play fool with myself. You don't belong with me. and you don't deserve my tears ! then why do I still have to cry for you ? why do I still cry when I get to know of something  about you getting up with other girl ? I hate this feeling. but Iloveyousomuch. I'll pray for you to be happy with her. and just so you know , you're still my best friend. thanks for everything.