Iloveyou

I don't know how to describe my feelings whenever I teringat dekat you Haikal. But one thing for sure is that Imissyousomuch ! you leave us too soon. Especially me who just only get to know you a few months ago.  I tak sempat nak kenal dengan you lebih rapat. I feel so bad now sayang. Banyak sangat memori yang you tinggalkan. Every songs yang you suka , I dengar. Every words that came out from your mouth , I still ingat lagi. You selalu suroh I be strong and don't cry too much. Whenever I ada problem , you'll be the only person yang will always be there for me no matter how far we are. You makes me feel comfortable. You let me be myself ! You tak kesah I gelak kuat. You tak kesah I banyak cakap. You tak kesah I kuat marah. You just cakap , "suka hati you laa yang. Asalkan you tak jadi hypocrite , I'm okay with it." Oh God , sumpah I rindu you. Rindu sangat sangat sangat sangat ! I still rasa you ada dekat dengan I. And I know you are. Thank you for loving me Haikal. Takkan ada orang yang boleh gantikan tempat you dalam hati kitorang. You're one in a million. Your sarcasm , your loveliness , your kisses , your hugs and your smell , I akan ingat selalu. Rest in peace Haikal. ILOVEYOU.

answer me !

where are you now ? why didn't you answer my call ? why didn't you reply my texts ? where are you when I need you the most ? I need you now Haikal. right now ! please don't leave me alone. please answer me Haikal. I hope that you're fine. if you ever read this , I just want you to know that Imissyou and Iloveyou ! take care sayang. <3

raya ! ^.^

weyh raya raya RAYAAAAAAAAAAAA ! hehehhehe. excited tetiba. tahun nie macam tahun-tahun lepas jugak , baju raya aku ada dua je. takda tema tapi baju tahun nie dua-dua warna nak dekat sama. biru kehijauan. eceeeehh. hahahahha. best ! tak sabar nak tunggu pagi raya. bangon je daa kena queue nak masok toilet. kalau dapat yang mandi berejam tu mahu cramp kaki berdiri kat luar. nasib baik rumah nenek ada tiga toilet. satu washroom and dua bathroom. rasanya okay laa tu. I think apa yang best for this year raya is my dearest cousin Alya nak balik kampong. nie laa last year raya dia being single. next year entah-entah daa ada anak sorang. untonglaa kahwin muda. ;) semoga berbahagia. (: SELAMAT HARI RAYA BUDDIESSSSS ! ❤

a bad dream.

I went back to sleep after I took my sahur. and I dreamt about you. I mimpi how close we were. you hugged me. you put your arms around my shoulder and I put mine around your waist. I miss that. seriously. Imissyousomuch. :'( I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to forget you. I don't know how to say goodbye to the memories that you tinggalkan. you're my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. when I think about you , I straight away remind myself of 'dia daa ada gf. kau kena move on Ilani.' but it never work. I still ingat kat you. I remember EVERYTHING ! you hold my hand. you kissed me. you hugged me tight. I don't know how to erase that memories that are supposed to be my sweet memories. now it turns into a nightmare. I taknak ingat pasal tu. I want you to be happy with her. please. get off of my mind. I hate to say this but I think you live in my past. I'm scared of getting hurt again.

you actually makes me stronger. thank you.

Ya Allah. I can't stop thinking about him. whatever I do or whenever I'm alone , otak aku mesti pikir pasal dia. but somehow I think he actually makes me stronger. aku nangis for two days but I can still sleep well though. now , aku daa tak nangis lagi. tapi my feelings towards him is still the same. and I don't know when it's gonna change. I know I have to move on. I know I have to smile and laugh because life is too short to be sad and cried over things that's not even worth my tears. but what to do , benda ni baru jadi kan ? so aku rasa tak salah kalau aku down for this couple of weeks. but most of all , raya nak dekat ! semangat raya itu PENTING ye ? whatever it is , I'm gonna put this aside and try untuk face the reality that dia daa ada gf ! you can do this ILANI !  

ILOVEYOU IHATEYOU whatever !

tak sangka benda nie jadi kat aku. after holding on for so long hoping that one day he'll be mine , turns out dia daa ada his own choice. arghh ! Ya Allah , sentap aku. boleh pulak bawak gf dia dtg kolej. I thought that I'm strong enough to handle this feeling and get over you as soon as possible. but it seems so hard when you always popped out of my mind. I kept thinking about you. remembering everything that you did and said to me. you're such a SWEET TALKER ! well , I guess I have to go and leave you with the girl. I'll pray for your happiness. kau buatlaa apa yang kau nak. aku daa malas nak layan this kind of feeling lagi. thank you so much sebab sakitkan hati aku. bagi aku nangis. janji benda yang never gonna happen. bagi harapan palsu. and macam-macam lagi laa. terima kasih sangat-sangat. berbahagia laa kau.

you don't deserve my tears !

I don't know what do you think or feel about me actually. yes. I'm your best friend. and I think that you're my best friend too. but somehow , I can feel the sparks when we sit together side by side. when you hold my hand by the pool side. when you kissed me on my birthday. when you hugged me when I feel cold or when I'm sad. you hug me tightly and I don't feel like letting you go. 

I still remember how we get to know each other. you added me on Facebook. when I saw your request to be my friend , I didn't think twice. I approved you straight away. from that time , I can feel something already. then we started chatting almost everyday , every hour. I started to like you because of your jokes and how you put an effort to know me better. then you gave me your phone number and asked mine. I gave it to you with no worries because I know that you're a nice guy. you called me after I gave my phone number and said 'I just wanna hear your voice.' I'm so happy when you called. you care about me. I know. I can feel it. we met for the first time at college. I saw you first then I texted you. and you replied 'come out jap. I wanna see you.' so , yea. we met. for the FIRST TIME ! you're a shy guy. you didn't talk a lot. from that day , we started to meet up. the first time you hugged me was at college too. I was not feeling well at that time. and you asked me if I can give you a hug. I hugged you. but just for seconds though. then only we started to hug almost everytime we see each other. Gosh ! I miss those old good times. you said you loved me. at that time , I was startled and I feel like I was dreaming. I still remember my last year Raya , you called me for one and a half hour and we talked craps. you wasted your credits just to talk to me. when we finished talking , we continued chatting. then I pulak called you. and we talked again. I miss that moment too !

you hold my hand by the pool side. it was just two of us. you hold my hand all of a sudden. and I was surprised when you did that to me. but I just keep silent. I don't want to ruin it. you make fun of me. you tease me. and then you laughed. you said 'you're cute'.

you kissed me on my birthday. you don't want to wish me on Facebook. you said that you wanna see me in person and wish me. we met up. I gave you a slice of cake that my friends bought for me. then you said 'I don't have a birthday present. but I have a birthday kiss. can I give that to you ?' and I said yes. you kissed me in front of my whole classmates. everyone were cheering at us ! I can't forget that. it still plays on my mind. I still can feel your lips on my cheek. I still can feel the warm of your hug. I still can feel your fingers lingering with mine. but now , everything's changed. I think that we were not meant to be together. you have your own choice maybe. and I just play fool with myself. You don't belong with me. and you don't deserve my tears ! then why do I still have to cry for you ? why do I still cry when I get to know of something  about you getting up with other girl ? I hate this feeling. but Iloveyousomuch. I'll pray for you to be happy with her. and just so you know , you're still my best friend. thanks for everything.

happy but I'm in pain.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I can smell something that is not right. but what is it ? I can't tell it myself. this evening I went to Jusco to meet Fisya and Farah. I know that Fisya was in her break time. so , I went there to see her and hoping that Farah would like to join us too. but she said that she's not feeling well and need to take a nap for a while. I don't want to bother her. so , I went off with Fisya. after we had our so-called lunch , Fisya went back to her place and I go to Farah's place and see her. she looks pale. my guess was right. she's still stuck with her  Mr.A. I can see her tears. she's trying to hide it though. Farah , aku daa kenal kau lama. I know that you're hurt and you can't get over him. :( kenapa benda nie selalu jadi dekat kitorang semua ? I mean when one of us is happy , the others mesti sedih or they were in trouble or something. I can't take this. it's like a bad curse to our friendship. what happened actually ? we can live without guys because we are each other's strength. sorang sedih , semua ada sekali and we share the sadness together. bila sorang happy , yang lain will feel the happiness and we'll cheer to each other. but kenapa bila sedih mesti because of a guy ? penting sangat ke diorang nie ? Farah , I don't know whether you'll read this post or not. just wanna let you know that apa pon yang akan terjadi or daa terjadi kat kau , kitorang sentiasa dengan kau. aku sayang kau doe. daa sebelas tahun aku kenal kau. bila kau menangis trust me , aku pon rasa sedih jugak. aku suka dengar kau gelak. tengok 'blur' kau and cerita bangang kau. everything that is not perfect about you are perfect to me. so do , Chiko , Fisya , Didie , Opie , Nisa and Tiqa. you girls are my life ! my strength ! YOU GIRLS ARE EVERYTHING TO ME ! ILOVEYOUALL. I'm happy today actually but at the same time I'm in pain bila tengok kawan2 aku sakit. boys , if you really love us girls , please don't break our heart. it's fragile. please.

lasagna ;)

haha. tak ikot cakap sifu. pakai taram je latak white sauce kat mana. it's creamy and tasty. (:

topped with cheese. (:

the result ! kena potong sebab adik and his friends tak sabar nak makan. =.="

ouch ouch. tak reti sangat nak buat lasagna nie sebenarnye. boleh sikit2 je. try banyak kali sampai betol2 expert baru orang bole panggil aku chef. LOL. =.=" I know , I'm LAME ! anywayssss , here are some pictures of my lasagna. ;) tengok je okay ? =P

result ! (:

Gosh ! I'm happy ! syukur Alhamdulillah. aku dapat result yang agak bangga laa jugak. not to say that it's good. but at least ada distinction. at first I thought that I would fail this one subject called Advertising Principles. why ? sebab aku masok kelas tu only ONCE je ! tu pon sebab nak kena buat presentation. class lain aku tak pernah masok. mana taknya. kelas tu daa laa pagi. aku pulak tinggal kat Cheras. kalau tak jam , it'll take me one hour to reach there ! kalau jam , erghhh ! Tuhan saja yang tahu. that's why aku tak pernah dapat masok kelas tu. thanks to Mr. Nurazry sebab sangat memahami. and thanks jugak sebab tak failkan saya. (: you're super nice laa Sir ! subject lain ada B and ada A. thanks to Mr. Hafizul , Mr. Nurazry , Miss Yen , and Miss Adriana for teaching us for the whole last semester ! I enjoyed your classes ! semua best. it's tiring though. but I had a great time dapat belajar dengan ALL of my favorite lecturers. I will never forget you guys ! you guys really ROCK my world ! thanks for everything ! ouhh. not to forget my best friend kat college , Kavita Maheendran@ MAK, Sangeta , Charan , Shamira Azlia , Asyikin , Joshua , Kevin and semua yang terlibat for helping me to get this great result ! love you guys so muchoo ! <3

my favorite collections. (:

my handbags. (: got some more in my wardrobe.

my favorite handbag. a REAL crocodile handbag from Nigeria.

 all this are from Vietnam.

and this are my perfumes collection. I got some more lagi but tak boleh upload. :(

to KAVITA MAHEENDRAN and MISS YEN. (: haha. this is for you both. <3

stress !

kena beli dress macam nie ke ? :/

I love the candle stand. maybe I'll put this on the lecturer's table.

and this one untok meja aku sorang. lol

okay. now memang sumpah stress ! baru je lepas event untok 'Stop Child Abuse' haritu. penat pon tak hilang lagi. now kena buat another event for SEGi's mass comm students pulak. Appreciation Nite Dinner. haha. and I'm in charge for decorations. the theme for that night is 'BLACK'. okay. this is hard for me because I have to think on how to decorate the hall according to the theme. black ? how ? haishh. I have some ideas in my head but I think that it's too simple. kalau boleh aku nak buat gempak sikit. I try to put some colors in it. I know the theme is DARK ! but kalau buat semua warna hitam pon tak cantik jugak. so , aku decide untok letak some red and pastel colors like light pink maybe. it will soften the dark colors kan ? baru laa ada warna sikit for that night. haishh. I'll discuss about this further with my girls and of course our leader. if dia tak suka then I have to re-do the floor plan and try buat warna lain. at least  80% of it MUST be black ! =.=" table arrangements ? Kavita cakap maybe boleh buat macam style Harry Potter tu. well , that would be nice kan ? nasib baik aku takde magic power. kalau tak daa lama aku nak buat macam style Harry Potter tu. 'flying candles'. haha. gempak giler laa shial ! what else ? the stage semua aku daa ada idea jugak. but still kena discuss dengan leader ! arghhhhh ! takotnyeeeee. :( GOOD LUCK ILANI !

my hometown and my grandma. :*

from left: my grandma , my younger brother and me. (:

my hometown is at Malacca. well known as Negeri Bersejarah. ye ke ? hahah. yes it is. loads of histories. old buildings , old graves , old museum , and most of all , old people. =P I talked about my beloved grandmother. she's one of the people that I love the most ! she's like my best friend. she understands me a lot rather than my mom. my mom tau membebel je. unlike my grandmother. she loves to laugh. just like me. she's thin and tall. and healthy. I think she is now in her 80's. err. sorry. I don't bother much about how old she is. she may looks old , but to me she's still young. sebab dia terlalu open-minded. my mom is not like that in any ways pon. I think my mom ikot my late grandpa punya perangai kot. my grandpa memang strict. tapi pendiam sikit. tak cakap banyak. kalau dia marah pon dia diam je. awwh. Imisshim. may God bless his soul. :'( ok. back to our topic. I'm so close with my grandma. I shared some of my secrets with her. and she'll be like 'ouh , lepas tu apa jadi ?' haha. cute je. she said that I'm her favorite granddaughter. I don't know why. hehe. but most of my aunts pon taw aku memang rapat dengan nenek aku. sampaikan ada certain things yang diorang tak berani nak bagitau kat nenek aku , diorang suroh aku yang cakapkan. hahaha. c'mon ! she won't even bite you. =.=" I know she won't. Iloveyou Grandma ! stay healthy. :*

my best Friend. :*

KHALIESAH BADRUDDIN or Chiko. she's the bestest girlfriend that I've ever had. the one that I can lean on when I'm sad or happy. I cry with her and laugh with her. to tell you the truth , we never act like any best friends in the world used to do. kitorang bukan jenis yang sweet-sweet nie. we talk craps. tak suka cakap pasal benda yang boring. and she always makes me laugh. I've known her since standard 6. I still remember she sat behind me. but we rarely talk. and lepastu , aku kena pindah kelas. tak sempat lagi kenal dia dengan rapat time tu. but , we met again masa form 4. same class. mula-mula memang tak rapat. tegor pon tak. but I still remember her. dia je yang tak ingat aku. God wants us to be friends. Best Friends ! so , yea. I started the conversation first I think. and lama-lama barula kitorang jadi rapat. well , as we all know. mana ada friendship yang smooth je kan ? mesti ada ups and downs dia. but we managed to handle that. if one of us ada yang terasa hati , kitorang just cakap je. takde maknanya nak simpan-simpan. Direct teros. that's one of the trick to keep your friendship kekal. Alhamdulillah. kitorang memang sangat rapat. aku ingat lagi masa zaman secondary school dulu. kitorang rajin bercakap. she'll always call me. pergi sekolah early in the morning , sampai je daa teros start bergossip. then dalam kelas cakap lagi. pastu balik sekolah sometimes she'll call me and cakap lagi. pastu jumpa kat tuisyen pulak. CAKAP lagi. balik dari tuisyen , dia akan call and guess what , CAKAP lagi. senang cerita , we talked 24/7. tak pernah berenggang. but that was then. I'm not saying that kitorang daa lost contact now. what I mean is , kitorang daa tak buat lagi daa benda macam tu. biasalaa , university student kan ? busy dengan assignment , tests , exams. but I really miss that old good times when we were both in the secondary school. dia ada minat dengan this one guy yang agak nerd kat dalam kelas. and aku pulak minat dengan laki yang suka buli aku. dudok sebelah aku je. haha. kalau aku dengan Chiko nak bergossip pon , bukan pasal orang lain. it's about the guys yang kitorang suka tu je. arghh ! rindunyeeee time tuu ! I know her well enough ! depan , belakang , kiri , kanan , luar , dalam , SEMUA ! kitorang ada je benda yang nak dikongsikan. haishh. sumpah aku sayang kau Chiko ! no matter what happens , I'll still love you and just to let you know walaupon aku tau kau daa tau , you're my Bestest Girlfriend ! saja je nak share benda nie. you're the best laa woman ! Iloveyou bestie ! <3

awwhh. (:

I LOVE HIM ! *lovestruck*

nightmare ! :(

Fisya (Pah) and me.

Farah and Chiko ! <3

Nisa and me.

oh GOD ! I hate this feeling ! kenapa aku selalu kena mimpi macam nie ? tak suka nyaaaaa ! pleaseeeee , leave me alone and let me enjoy my sweetdreams ! I hate you , nightmares ! I really am ! Chiko , Farah , Didie , Opie , Pah , Nisa , Tiqa : ILOVEYOU GIRLS SO MUCH ! I really do ! sayang korang sangat sangat sangat sangat!

happy mood ! (:

I'm happy ! tahap max punya happy nie ! at last , aku call jugak dia last night and at first memang sumpah takot giler babi ! but Thank God , he picked up the phone and we talked. ingatkan dia marah. turns out dia cakap dia ingatkan aku yang marah dia. awwhh. baby , I won't be mad at you. you're so special to me. and Iloveyousomuchoo ! nampak tak sweet nya aku ? hahahah. anyway , macam biasa at the end of the call , he'll always say this to me "Iloveyou , take care" heheheheh. Iloveyoutoo buddy ! you're my bestest boy-friend ever ! thank you for everything. <3

Imma fashionista ! ;)

 haha ! mesti korang nak cakap "seriously ?" ecececehh. just kidding laa. but to tell you the truth , kat rumah aku nie , especially for my mom , dad and my abang , I'm a FASHIONISTA ! wonder why huh ? sebab aku nie memang kaki shopping and tak suka pakai baju burok2 unless I'm at home. kalau dudok kat rumah je , baju koyak pon takpe. tapi kalau keluar I'll make sure that kalau tak cantik pon , at least I look good. takkan laa nak nampak burok and selekeh kan ? but sometimes aku rasa nampak jugak 'messiness' aku tu ! rambot macam tak sikat. baju macam tak iron. haish. student kan ? malas laa sikit. =P 
err , actually what I really want to tell you is about my mom and my dad screamed my name tadi and ask whether baju yang dorang pakai tu match ke tak match ? they wanna attend a wedding function dekat Putrajaya. have to look beautiful , handsome and tidy laa kan ? so , I act as an image consultant for both of them. siap tolong gosok lagi baju dorang. ;)well , image consultant is not the only thing that I'm good at ! I'm a good and helpful daughter too ! haha. have fun mom and dad !

Sunday morning !

Good Morning Earth ! haha. well , I don't know why but lately aku selalu bangon awal. nak kahwin letteww. =P HELL , NOOO ! lol. actually my parents daa ajar since kecik2 dulu jangan selalu bangon lambat. paling lambat pon pukol 9 ! but if you're too tired and your eyes tak boleh bukak , nak buat macam mana kan ? pernah laa jugak aku bangon around 11 or 12. but last night , I had a good night sleep. tapi still mimpi benda yang doesn't make sense. daa banyak kali mimpi macam tu. Iloveyou friends ! please don't leave me alone ! can't live without you guys. :( haishh. forget about it. pagi2 nie memang sesuai untok pergi jogging. nie pon baru je balik. alaa. jogging dekat2 je. selalu nya , pergi sampai Ampang nak mengelak daripada manusia2 kat Cheras nie. heheheh. but I had a good time though ! gonna mandi later on ! (:

newbie (:

Hello ! guess I'm supposed to be called as a newbie here since this is my first time having a blog. it's quite hard for me since I don't know anything on how to be a blogger and plus I have to decorate and design on how I want my blog to be looks like. I don't ask for more. Pink is enough I think cause that is my favorite color. ouh yeaa ! let me tell you something about myself. my name is Nur Ilani binti Abdullah. 20 this year. I'm still a student majoring in mass communication at SEGi UC. I'm also a daughter , a sister , a friend and most of all , I'm a Malay. well , why did I tell you that ? it's because of there are a lot of people who always ask me this kind of question , "are you Malay ?". well , no doubt. I looks like a Chinese. my great-grandmother is a Chinese. so , apparently me and some of my cousins do look like a Chinese. haha. I think that's all for now. welcome to my blog btw ! thanks. lotsalove <3